Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
