just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
