Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
