My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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