As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm bleeding and have questions
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