I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
