oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
