**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
