We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize