We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is Oprah even human
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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