You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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