she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
