Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
