Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
