apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
