I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
