pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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