I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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