I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
