I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
