Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
