apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Found your dick twin last night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
