he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize