is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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