fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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