Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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