I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
