I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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