cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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