You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
