This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
