I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
