It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
