did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
