I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
