What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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