So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
