Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
