i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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