Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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