ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
