Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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