My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize