you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
