The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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