I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
