fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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