I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
