please come you make the beer taste better
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
