Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
