So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
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How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You were trust falling into bushes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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