I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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