I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Boobs are out for the taking
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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