her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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