So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
