i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
