also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize