I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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