Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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