: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
zippers are such a cool invention
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She needs sedatives and a leash
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos