so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
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Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.