ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
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You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
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This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.