Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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